Friday, January 9, 2009

Ode to the Chicagoan driver in snow

Auf wiedersehen to the first full work week in January 2009. I thank you for going by quickly and (for the most part) painlessly. Last night, as my friend and I were done working on our fitness, we were walking in the frigid cold back to our cars. Realizing I had 1 full day left in the week, I thought "Damn am I lucky this week flew by. Friday's going to be a cinch!"

And then I got home and turned on the news...and saw the weather forecast...of 3-6 inches...with fog...and ice...and of course, idiot drivers of Illinois. Now don't jump off the handle! I'm one of those idiot drivers of Illinois. However, I take pride in the fact that I know when to slow down the choo choo when the weather is shiteous outside.

Did you know that today's snowfall marks the 21st measurable snowfall Chicagoland has seen this winter? JUST this's amazing. What further amazes me is our inability to not drive like idiots in this. You would think after all these years, we'd learn.

There's always that person in the SUV or truck. You know the one. Thinking because they have 4WD they can plow along, going 50 while everyone is at 25 or 30, spitting the nasty slush on your car and breaking too late/too close to the car in front of them.

And so begins my first blog, Ode to the Chicagoan driver in snow:

*Ode to you Mr. Infiniti FX 35, license plate number G11 9933*

I think it's hot how your SUV can plow through the slush and the falling snow as you continue to rush upon the traffic ahead of you. Your total disregard of the other cars break lights is a huge turn-on. Do you see the break lights ahead lit up like a Christmas tree? Yeah, that means they're A) breaking or B) stopped.

I realize that Mr. Lexus in front of me got into the left lane as you were approaching us, but please know Mr. Lexus had plenty of room to get in front of you without making you have to slam on your breaks. As I, too, got into the left lane behind you, the distance between us became greater and greater as you refused to slow down or reduce your speed. Or perhaps, you just weren't paying attention to everyone else around being at a much more reasonable speed.

As Mr. Lexus mad his way back into the middle lane, I thought it quite chivalrous, Mr. Infiniti FX 35, how you sped up along side him to flip him the bird. I appreciate the fact that you stopped your car (in the middle of traffic with us having the green light) along side Mr. Lexus to continue yelling at him through your passenger window and his. I wonder if he heard you.

Furthermore, I found it quite endearing when, as we finally approached the red light and stopped to wait our turn for the next green, you put your car into park, got out of your car, went up to Mr. Lexus' drivers window, demanded he roll down his window, yelled at him, calling him a bizzy & kitty cat (insert the profanities with those clues) and told him to get out of the car if he had something to say to you.

How lucky your wife must be. To see you get that angered over road rage that you would actually uproot yourself from your car in this kind of weather! Such a strong man...

Do you NOT see that there is traffic behind you? Or that there's snow? Or that the green light might be coming? And I'll be damned if I miss another green light because you're trying to prove how big of a man you are as you curse Mr. Lexus out through the 3 inch crack he created as he rolled down his window.

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